Finding My Way Back

Day 247     Weight 191.8     Total Weight Loss  40.4

I knew this day was coming...the day that I would have to face my actions. What I didn't know was that I would get off track so easily and stay off for so long. Rewind: I was doing great...exercising an hour EVERY day and staying right on program....then.....WHAM! I can tell you the bite that I took that was the beginning of it all. I had made it through Thanksgiving and thought I had it made. It was November 28, 2012 and it was my 59th birthday, 37 days ago.  I had a small piece of my cookie cake and that was fine, easily counted, no harm done. The bite that was the beginning of the disaster was when I went back later that night for a second small piece with a teaspoon of icing on it. I could have counted that and been fine because I had tons of exercise points banked.....but I didn't! My love affair with sweets was rekindled this night! REBELLION had begun!

After my birthday, I seemed to be going to an endless amount of Christmas parties. There were goodies galore and I had not prepared myself mentally for all the Season's Eatings ahead! The worst week of eating was when we had a week of lunches at school brought by staff. We were put into groups to furnish a holiday lunch for the rest of the school. There were lots and lots of desserts each day. I wouldn't just get a little of one dessert - I would get small amounts of several different things. And to top it off, I would stop by after bus duty in the afternoon and score a couple of cookies. I also completely stopped exercising! Jennifer told me something that I really should have listened to: "If you're gonna eat, then exercise. If you're not exercising, then don't eat!" Laws of Physics! Somehow I think that I can defy those laws. NOT!!!

Anyway, the eating continued - pralines, cookies, pound cake! Sweets galore! Very few fruits, veggies and lean meats made it into my diet. I canceled my WW online thinking that My Fitness Pal would be sufficient. I did keep my breakfast healthy every day, drank my water and was active, even though I wasn't exercising. I also weighed every day and watched the pounds go up. I reached 195! I made myself put the rocks back in the pounds to lose jar and it killed me! I was gaining back that weight that I worked so hard to lose!

I decided to go back to the beginning, ADMITTING I AM POWERLESS. That is hard to do but when I did, I immediately began walking in the truth that GOD IS ALL POWERFUL! Why do I forget that? How can God show me His mercy over and over again when I make the same mistakes? His AMAZING GRACE! Praise HIM!!!

God is so good and forgiving that the MOMENT that I confess my sin, He is in control and things look POSSIBLE again. I waited to write this blog post until now because I wanted to be able to say that I am not walking in defeat anymore. First thing in the morning on December 26, I rejoined WW online and started back on program. I have lost 3.2 pounds of the weight I put back on - thank you Jesus! I have been very active but still haven't started back exercising. I miss walking and the weather has been so rough. I have some videos and I have the sun room all set up. I just have to DO IT!

Our pastor is asking us to pray about making a commitment to do one, two or three things in the new year...pray and reach out to some person or family who needs Jesus, exercise and read the Bible through in a year. I have been praying about this and I am afraid I will fail if I commit to all three. I do intend to work on all three but I am going to commit to the exercising three times a week. That will be the hardest for me to accomplish, for sure! We will bring in canned food for each 60 minutes of exercise and the food will go to Pike Outreach.  I need your prayers to help me get back to exercising again and to stay on the narrow path!